The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
