So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
