evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
