Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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