if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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