If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
