he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
