She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
