OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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