FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
