The maid of honor just puked.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
