he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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