Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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