I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
