I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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