I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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