Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
