my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
