Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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