My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
