i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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