He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
