I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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