your thong is hanging out like whoa
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Actions speak louder than pants.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize