I just made out with a guy for $7.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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