I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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