Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
