Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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