genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
