How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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