Girls should come with a carfax report
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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