yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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