the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
