pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
