3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
