its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
