I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can vaginas get frostbite?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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