when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What a dumb baby whore.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
