i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
