he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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