im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How naked do you want me to be?
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