update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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