Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
