hotel room ftw
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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