ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
