meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
