I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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