After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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