Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
