Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
