You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
