Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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