he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
