dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
