I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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