Got a toothbrush?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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