It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
