dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
