my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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