We won't sleep together?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
