It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
