We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
