my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
