ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize