There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
