I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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