some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
