So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
