Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
