i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
