Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
