I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Less talking, more tequila
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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