can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
